


Love Isn't Always about Two

by AngelofElysium



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Triggers, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 10:37:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18776575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelofElysium/pseuds/AngelofElysium
Summary: Jessica realise that though she still loves her boyfriend she developed a giant crush on her boyfriend's new brother-----------------------------------Trigger warning, there's a description of a panic attack





	Love Isn't Always about Two

**Author's Note:**

> So in this all the events of the show happened as they are, except for the Tyler events at the end of the second season, poor baby didn't deserve any of that bullshit. 
> 
> In other topic I just wanted to experiment writing from Jess' point of view, and I happened to fall in love with these three, they're my newest OT3 now.
> 
> Send halp.
> 
> Ps: I'm not a girl so I don't have idea of how period/sanitary pads work, so I'm working on assumptions here, I'm sorry if I wrote any inaccuracy, or if I offend someone please be assured its not intentional

Jessica knew exactly where it began, Clay Jensen was a great guy to begin with, she understands why people would fall so easily for a boy like him, she knows even Justin has a soft spot for the boy, and they are supposed to be brothers now, but she never imagined she would fall for Clay too, Jessica is pretty sure she is very much still in love with her boyfriend, Justin, but she was falling for Clay too and she doesn't know how to deal with her feelings. Maybe if she went back to the beginning everything would makes more sense. 

She could feel it was coming, for fucks sake she just wanted to go to the toilet and check on her sanitary pad, but when she was unbuttoning her pants it triggered, she had to get out of the bathroom, there was no one on the hallway, it was the middle of second period, she had just asked permission from her teacher to go to the toilet, the whole hallway was deserted, she went to nearest exit, she needed to go outside, she felt her chest oppressed, the air was not enough, she felt like drowning.   
Someone took her hand, she looked up to see Clay, he was trying to calm her down, she didn't know why he was out of class but she was grateful there was someone out there with her now, she didn't understand Clay's words at first, but his voice was clear and soft. 

“... down I'm here with you, you're not alone” 

She didn't know why, but those words were a lifesaver ‘you're not alone’ she hooked herself to them and didn't let go of them, Clay just keep on holding her hand and talking almost in whispers. 

“breath with me, can you do that?” he asks

She just nods 

Clay starts to breathe deeply and slowly, she tries to match their breathing, she was feeling better, and then Clay starts to count, she close her eyes. 

“Just concentrate on my voice, one, two, three, four, five…” he counts making each number as long as possible, 

When Jessica opens her eyes again it was gone, she still feels her heart beating fast, but she didn't feel like she's drowning anymore, she could breathe again, and she shots Clay an impressed look

“How you did it?” she asks

“I don't know, I just wanted to help you” 

“you help me stop it, how?”

“Well, once my parents and I went to visit my aunt, mom's sister, my cousin invited me to go shopping with her, I had nothing better to do so I said yes, it was going great but when we stopped in front of a shop, she started having a panic attack there, in the middle of the mall and I had to ask for help, I didn't knew what to do, I felt so useless and powerless, I didn't want to experience that again so I started to ask and research on how to help people on this situations, I never expected it to happen to someone in the school, but when I saw you I recognised it and decided to act, are you sure you are better now?”

“I, yes, thank you” she was speechless 

Clay walked her to the Nurse office, he was about to leave, but she stopped him, she grabbed his hand 

“don't leave me alone please” she pleads

“Okay, I'll stay with you as long as you want” he assured her smiling

Justin appeared as soon as second period ends, Clay probably texted him. She tells him what Clay did for her, and Justin thanks him endlessly, Clay blushes and tells them that it was nothing, then he leaves to resume his classes, she wants him stay but says nothing. 

Little she knew that feeling was going to become constant, she never wants Clay to leave. 

That's was the beginning of her crush, at the beginning she thought it was just her hormones messing with her on her period, but she realises it now, it wasn't it, she was forced to accept her crush on Clay because of the raging feeling of jealousy that overtakes her every time Scott Reeds flirts with Clay. Scott has been doing it all the week. The idiot is even doing it now in the middle of the literature class, the only one the four of them share, and it is killing her.   
And she's not the only one, she can see and feel Justin mirroring her feelings beside her, he's not subtle, but she didn't feel annoyed about that, she still loves Justin, but if he also has a crush on Clay, that means he would be an ally, if he's in a similar situation as hers, she gets why Justin could have felt for Clay just she did, after all he's being living with the boy for the past months, and she also knows Justin still loves her, she has no doubt about it. 

“I think I like Clay” she says just loud enough for Justin to hear her 

“we all like Clay, Jess, maybe we should start a fans club or something” he joked, she knows that by ‘all’ we he means the Tony and the reason (minus Bryce and Mr. Porter) 

“No, I mean like I really really like him, like not platonically” she tries to explain herself, he took some seconds to process 

“What, you… you don't want me anymore?” he sounds devastated 

“Of course I still want you, I love you, but I also have the biggest crush on Clay, does it make any sense?“ she says a bit nervous 

Justin looked surprised for about a minute, then he burst in laugh, the teacher almost called on him so he tries to suppress the laughter, but now Clay was looking at them with curiosity, Justin composed himself and winked at Clay, who just blushes and turns to the front once again.   
When the attention is not on them anymore, Justin smiles his dorkiest smile 

“I feel the same way, I just didn't know how to tell you, I still love you, but I have a god damn big crush on Clay, I just don't wanted you to think I'm a freak or something” he says 

“Well I guess we're both freaks” they laugh 

“also I kind of want to break Scott's face right now” Justin says

“same” she answers

Jessica is not sure how or if they would make things work out for them, but now that she and Justin shared the same objective they would make the impossible to get Clay be with them, to conquer the boy's heart and not letting anyone touch what's theirs.   
\--------------------------------------------------

Driving with Clay was kind of a non-official tradition by now, Clay and Justin would pick her up every morning to school, and then drive her home after school. Often on their free time they would call her to accompany them drive around the city, or going to the Crestmont, Monet’s or anywhere actually.   
She doesn't want to go home after school, so she asks Clay if they could go watch a movie, Clay doesn't seem too convinced, but between Justin and her convinced him, or more accurately slick talked him to go.   
The Crestmont was playing a series of 80’s horror movies to celebrate Halloween during all of October, so the options this week are: Child's Play, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street or Christine.   
Clay got to choose, so they were stuck with A Nightmare on Elm Street, not that she minds, she already saw it, but Justin hadn't seen it, so it should be fun watching his reactions. On the other hand Clay once told her that he liked old horror movies, his favourite being The Blair Witch Project, so she guesses he probably had already seen all of the Nightmare movies too, as well as the others the movie theatre offers.   
Once inside they realize the three of them are the only ones in the auditorium. Halfway through the movie she noticed Clay and herself were laughing and enjoying Justin reactions, jumping at every jumpscare and screaming from time to time, it was actually far more enjoyable than the movie itself, though Glen’s (Johnny Depp) death was legendary. Justin didn't find it funny though, so he went for a soda refill. 

She sat beside Clay, she was looking at the boy, Clay was now looking at the movie, she's wondered how someone could be so dorky and look so desirable at the same time, she didn't resist it anymore, she made the boy look at her, and she captured his lips, the boy answered the kiss at first, he opened his mouth a bit and she deepened the kiss, it was great, Clay was answering the kiss, then Clay panicked, and broke the kiss. 

“Wait, what are we doing?“ he looked bewildered 

“we're kissing” she answered and approached for another kiss, but Clay pushed away

“we can't do this, Justin will hate us” he says 

“He won't do that” she assures and pushes the boy back to her and kisses him again. This time Clay doesn't pushes back and answers the kiss, and lets himself relax and enjoy the kiss, she can't believe it, many times she imagined herself kissing Clay, but it was nothing like she imagined, the real Clay was gentler, softer, better. 

“Okay I won't lie and say I'm not enjoying the view, but I feel a bit left behind” they heard Justin say from afar

She slowly broke the kiss and looked at Justin, Clay looked like a deer in the headlights

“Then join us” she says

Justin drank his soda in one gulp and then jumps his way to them through the rows of seats, once there he sat on Clay's other side and makes him look his direction, Clay is still a bit confused

“I'll continue where she left” its all Justin says before kissing Clay

Clay is startled at first, but soon enough he relaxes and let himself be kissed again, she could see he was enjoying this, but she knows the boy is probably really confused right now.  
When the kiss ends she could say Justin is incredibly happy not just because of his goofy smile but because of the light in his eyes. Clay as she expects is very much a confused mess. 

They go out of the movie theater, they didn't even finish the movie, Clay was not in a condition to drive, so Justin got his keys and sat on the driver's seat, she and Clay got on the back seat of the car. They drive for about five minutes before Clay said something. 

“So are you going to explain me what's happening?” Clay demands 

“it's actually really simple, I like you” she says

“and I also like you” says Justin 

“What? is this some kind of joke?” somehow Clay managed to look even more confused now “am I still dreaming” he pinched himself “Ouch”

“No it's not a joke, and don't hurt yourself” she scolds

“but it's so weird, first I suspect that Scott is hitting on me, and now both of you just kiss me and say that you like me? Are you sure it's not the ‘mess up with Clay week’ or something?”

“First of all Reed IS hitting on you, and it has been bothering me all the fucking week, and second of all we're very much serious about you” Justin declares 

“So that's why you've been moody all the week? I thought you were mad at me or something” says Clay 

“What? I wasn't mad at you, I was jealous I guess” Justin says

She hadn't noticed till Clay said it, but he's right, Justin had been moody and grumpy during the week, maybe she didn't noticed over her own moodiness about Reed's flirting with Clay, but now she remembered parts of the week and Justin being sulky, she has to restrain a giggle, after all they were trying to convince Clay that they were serious about being with him. 

“You also want me?” Clay asks her

“Yes I want you, Justin is right we're serious about you, we really want you, but the question here is do you want us?”

“But you two are already together, how is it supposed to work?” Clay asks, but she had the impression that the question was meant more to himself than to them 

“Have you ever heard about Polyamory?” she asks 

Clay looks at her with surprise

“I've heard of it” he says a bit ashamed 

“well, I was confused as hell when I started crushing on you, because I still love Justin, but I started to have these feelings about you, and I didn't even know what was happening, so I did a little research and found a lot of information about Polyamory, it describes our situation perfectly, I have a relationship with Justin, but I want a relationship with you too” she sighs “and I think Justin feels just the same way, I'm I wrong?”

“I yes,, I want a relationship with both of you” Justin says. 

After some minutes of silence Clay finally speaks

“I'm too confused for now, would you wait for me to answer?” he asked 

“of course we could wait, right Justin?” she assured 

“Of course we could” Justin reassured 

“Can we go to Monet’s?” asked Clay 

Justin drives to Monet’s, Clay asked for them to wait in the car. They don't know what to do, she moves to the passenger seat to be next to her boyfriend. 

“d-do you think he'll reject us?” asked Justin visibly nervous “I mean I understand, it would be weird, he's supposed to be my brother now, and you're my girlfriend” Justin hesitates

“Calm down, I've seen the way he looks at you, I'm sure he likes you, I'm not sure if he's likes me though” she doubts 

Justin smiles at her and tells her “what's not to like about you?” 

She smiles at him and pecks his cheek

It feels like it's an hour later when they saw Clay coming to them with a cardboard tray of coffee, she could have swore she saw Tony getting out of the café after Clay, but the boy was gone in the blink of an eye, so she's not sure if she really saw him. Clay gets on the back seat, takes his paper cup, and hand the tray to her. 

“the right one is for Justin, the left one is for Jessica” says Clay

Jessica took her coup, and taste a sip, she's a bit picky with her coffee, but she's actually surprised and impressed to discover that her cup has the coffee exactly as she like it, black with a teaspoon of vanilla extract. 

“How do you know?” she asks turning to look at Clay 

“I have my sources” it's all Clay says 

She's about to ask for more information, but that's when she noticed Justin's euphoric face. 

“What's going with you?” she asks her boyfriend

“look at your cup” he says

She does as he says and see something written in the paper cup it says ‘I want to be with you’, now it's her turn to smile like a moron. 

“Does this mean what I think it means?” she asks

“Yes, after calming down and thinking carefully about it, I've came down to the conclusion that in fact I also like both of you very much, and so I decided that it's worth a try, why not?”

“I promise we'll make it work” Justin promises

If she was in the backseat she would have probably launched herself towards Clay.   
\--------------------------------------------------

It's been about a week since they've started with their non-monogamous relationship, some people at school still gave them strange looks from time to time, but she doesn't care, and she is sure her boys don't give a damn about it either, all of them are so beyond people's judgement right now, they just want to be happy and their happiness was in being together all three of them. 

Their parents though, it was a completely different topic, they're are telling their parents about their relationship, eventually, but for now they want to keep it secret from them, so for now Jessica would pretend in front of her parents that she is just dating Justin, and Justin would pretend in front of the Jensens that he is just dating her, even though he's probably fucking Clay every night in his room.   
It already caused some problems though,   
at first Clay was totally against the idea of Justin leaving marks of their sexual activities in his body, but Justin insisted it was a direct way to tell people that Clay isn't available anymore, he has two lovers now, so he managed to convince her and Clay that it was a good idea, guess what?, it wasn't, while it sends the intended message to other people, they forgot that the Jensens were also ‘other people’ and they could clearly see the hickeys on Clay's neck and collarbone, Clay had to come up with a story about his new nameless boyfriend being kind of intense, which was actually just half a lie, since Justin could get a bit intense sometimes. She laughed her ass off when they told her about it, ah she loves her boyfriends.   
\--------------------------------------------------

She was kissing Clay mouth, and she was pretty sure Justin was mauling Clay's neck, Clay was totally willing to submit to their desires today, but for her she was good enough with kisses for now. It would be a long time and probably a lot of therapy before she would be comfortable with sex again, but she wasn't against the idea of watching her boyfriend fucking his new cute second boyfriend, so she kissed Clay one last time before handing the control exclusively to Justin. 

“You sure you don't wanna join?” asks Justin, he already knew the answer, but he always asks out of courtesy 

“Nope, not comfortable with sex yet, but I want to watch” 

“Perv” Justin jokes 

“But she's our perv” says Clay 

“Aww he loves me” 

“of course he loves us, he wouldn't put up with this shit if he didn't” says Justin 

“first of all stop talking about me like I'm not here, and second I love both of you, but I'm horny so less talk and more action Justin” demands Clay 

“Yes, sir” Justin said and starts his attack on Clay's mouth, it's not too long before he's getting rid of Clay's clothes to attack the rest of the boy's body, leaving marks everywhere, so people knows Clay Jensen has lovers and that they are not good at sharing him with other people. 

Jessica loved to have discovered her fascination at watching her boys having sex, she never considered herself a voyeur, but shit she might consider herself one at this point, she just loved to see their boys loving each other, and giving each other the sexual relief and interaction she couldn't offer them right now, some people might think that they might get tired of her and leave her to live their own love story, but she's 10000% sure they would never do that, Justin has more than demonstrated her how much devoted his love for her is, and at which extents he is capable of getting for her, the boy had been in juvie for her, she she wouldn't ever doubt of his love for her. On the other hand Clay's love might not be as deep just yet, but the boy has given her demonstrations of such a tender and dorkie love that she never even imagined a boy was capable of, he wrote her poems, gave her parts of his own loved and cherished personal valuable collection of Star Wars, like the funko pop of C-3po which was only available during the San Diego comic-con 2015, she really wanted one but couldn't get her hands on one of those that year, but apparently Clay had cousins in San Diego and they got one for him, Justin must have told him about her wanting one, and Clay didn't even hesitate on giving it to her. Yes now she got a boyfriend she could be a geek with, but that's not the only thing, they could spend hours exchanging information about Justin, like little details about him, or exchanging their galleries of Justin photos, Clay even have a gallery called ‘Little Sleeping Angel’ full of photos of Justin sleeping on the sofa, on the living room, on Clay's bed etc. It was their little secret, and Justin was totally oblivious about it.   
Yeah both of her boyfriend are great and she couldn't stop feeling like the luckiest girl for having them. 

Fin

\--------------------------------------------------  
Bonus:

“Foley you greedy bastard!” shouted Zach playfully at him, after the practice 

“What?” Justin was a bit confused about his friend statement 

“oh come on don't play dumb now, or you are gonna tell me that you not only got one of the hottest girls in the whole school but also one of the cutest guys too?” Zach explains

“oh that! yeah what can I say I'm pretty proud of myself” he sighs   
“I'm a lucky man” he says smiling like a moron 

“Leave something for the rest of us” Zach pouts and then informs “you should have seen Scott's face when he saw Clay's ‘love marks’, the poor man had been crushing on Clay since the beginning of the year” 

Justin smiled self-satisfied, he didn't have anything personal against Scott, the guy was actually really nice, but he was just happy that people are getting the message that Clay Jensen is not available anymore, the difficult part though was explaining the marks to Lainie and Matt, Clay invented a story about having a new boyfriend, who got a bit ‘intense’ during making out, they apparently believed him. He and Clay are going to tell them the truth eventually, but they didn't want to complicate things right now. 

True end

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> So I imagine Clay telling his parents about Justin being the one who left him hickeys going something like:
> 
> Clay: Mom, dad actually I don't have a new boyfriend, I just kinda joined Justin and Jessica's relationship, and it was Justin the one who left hickeys on me. 
> 
> Lainie: oh dear we already know it was Justin, the Jess thing is new though, but it doesn't surprise us. 
> 
> Justin: what? how do you knew?
> 
> Matt: Easy, if another boy would have left hickeys on Clay, we wouldn't be here. 
> 
> Lainie: You would probably be in Juvie again for having left the poor guy as a pulp of flesh, and I would be trying to get you out.
> 
> Matt: Clay would probably be with Jessica both crying their eyes out, and I would be a mess trying to calm down Lainie, Clay and Jessica at the same time. 
> 
> Clay thinks for a moment, and then says: Well they're not wrong. 
> 
> XD


End file.
